My inspiration for writing this blog post comes from the current time of year in the academic calendar – the end of the school year. The high school seniors in my coaching practice are in that space between…celebrating their accomplishments and looking forward to what’s next, while also sitting in nostalgia as they mourn the loss of what they will leave behind as they graduate.
This time of year can be an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. And it’s not just our Seniors (high school or college) who are feeling an array of emotions as they say goodbye. Big ‘feels’ are being felt by our teens and young adults who complete a school grade, leave classmates for summer break, move out of their area, wrap up a sports season and play the last game of their high school or college career. Goodbyes are loaded with feelings. And the goodbyes and transitions happen fairly often in many cultures. Now is a great time to address this process with your teenager to support them through their current goodbye and the many that will come in the future.
We can’t deny that change is quite challenging for most and goodbyes typically come with a mixture of emotions. There are special considerations I’d like to bring to your awareness so that you can support your teenager or young adult as they close a chapter of their lives, say goodbye and experience the bitter-sweet that often accompanies a farewell.
When coaching my teens and young adults through an ending, closure or transition, they often experience an emotional ‘roller coaster’ effect laden with various emotions and BIG feelings. First, I give them an opportunity to share and talk it out. As I’ve shared in past blogs, after they’ve shared their story or feelings with you, be sure to validate their feelings and thoughts. It’s so easy for us as adults and parents to jump right in to tell them how to feel or what to do – after all, we’ve got the life experience behind us to advise, right? However, the goal is for your teen/young adult to feel validated by you and sort through their own thoughts and feelings alongside you. Below are 4 of my top tips to help you assist your teen as they process their Goodbyes.
How to help your teen through the Goodbye experience:
Before we dive in, if getting your teen to simply open up and talk to you is a struggle, grab my free downloadable mini-guide: 3 Things Your Teenager Wants You To Know, So They Can Open Up To You. Inside, I share simple communication tweaks you can make to promote openness and get the conversation flowing with your teenager!
Be Present. Slow Down. Just Breathe.
Our teens tend to feel a rushed, hurried feeling right before ‘wrapping up’, graduating or closing out a chapter of their lives. This ‘hurried’ feeling is often a flush of emotions, memories and the mixture of feelings around what they are looking forward to and what’s being left behind. Encourage them to take the space and time to talk with you about what they are feeling, what they look forward to and what they are leaving behind. For those who would rather reflect alone, suggest journaling or listening to music and reflecting quietly in a comfortable space.
Process ALL The Feelings.
I say ‘all the feelings’ because a goodbye usually includes a variety of feelings. Whatever emotions your child is feeling, reinforce that any and all feelings are valid, okay and ‘normal’. A few typical feelings and thoughts that accompany a goodbye include: sadness, happiness, inspiration, FOMO or fear of missing out, loss, fear, exhaustion (emotions zap lots of energy out of us), nostalgia, bitterness, joy, etc. The array of feelings often hit simultaneously. Naming their feelings, aloud to you or in a journal, is a very relieving tool. The goal is to get those ‘ping-ponging’ feelings named and out of their body verbally or written on paper. There is no need to resolve those feelings and thoughts at this point. Just simply recognizing and acknowledging the feelings will provide relief, clarity and validation for your teen.
Organize The Remaining Time.
There is often a lot going on logistically when your teen or young adult is wrapping up and embarking on something new. Help them organize the logistics of what needs to be completed now and scheduled for the future. This is especially important when graduating from high school or college. Some teens love pen and paper to create calendars, daily lists of to-do’s and electronic/phone calendaring.
Create A Future Connection Strategy.
Remind your child that though the way they connect with others will change per the goodbye, there are many ways to stay connected. Help them map out ways to keep their connections going – social media, group texts, scheduled phone/zoom/facetime-type platforms, in person scheduled meet-ups – these are all great options to keep ties with friends and family. Planning this ahead of time will relieve the concern of completely losing touch.
In conclusion, learning how to process and make sense of endings is such a valuable skill for our teen and young adult to learn now. It will serve them in so many ways to come, throughout their life. It gives them the capacity to hold both – to honor what’s being left and look forward to their new beginning.
P.S. Not all teens and young adults are ‘naturals’ at opening up and talking to their parents. And many go through phases where they keep all their thoughts and feelings very close to the vest. They simply stop talking to you. I created a mini-guide on how to get your teenager to open up and talk to you. It’s free – grab your mini-guide here.
_____________________
To receive insights, tools and resources right to your email inbox each month, subscribe to The Peaceful Teen Newsletter: https://hollymcclaincoaching.myflodesk.com/signup
It takes a village! ❤️
