Let’s be honest, it’s a daunting thought when you’re a teen in high school and you’re asked:
“What’s your plan?”
“Have you thought about what you’re majoring in?”
“What do you want to do with your life?”
These BIG questions all require quite a bit of thought, self discovery, research and time. Most teens feel overwhelmed and often shut down when asked a BIG question like this.
Here’s what my teen clients have said when approached with a question about their future plans:
“Thinking about what I want to study in college stresses me out and I avoid talking about it…especially with my parents.” – Junior
“I don’t know what I want to major in, let alone what I want to do after college. I don’t even have time to think about that right now.” – Sophomore
“I feel like I can’t breathe when my parents ask me what I want to do for my career or even what colleges I want to apply to.” – Sophomore
Our teens have so much on their daily plate, that allocating time and energy into considering what they want to do forevermore, seems daunting. This is where you can step in to help your teenager think differently about their future planning. It doesn’t have to be an overwhelming, burdensome single decision with a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer. It can be a discovery or sorts, like a scavenger hunt, where they piece together their future direction over time.
Shift Old Beliefs Around Career And Future Into Fresh Perspectives Your Teenager Can Wrap Their Mind Around:
“There is no right or wrong career path. Careers evolve.” – Bill Burnett
The journey toward figuring out what your future looks like is just that – a journey. This is a process, an unfolding. Your teen’s job is to take steps toward uncovering their path. This in not about unearthing the one, single job in world that suits them best. There are many pathways and opportunities that will suit them equally as well as the other. Your teen will change jobs and pivot throughout their lifetime. Let’s not set them up to think they have to ‘hit the nail on the head’ and figure out the one and only career that’s going to keep them happy for the rest of their life. That’s just not true. And the idea of it is laden with stress and pressure.
“If the path you’re on is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.”- Joseph Campbell
My Career Development Professor shared this concept with me in Graduate School. Future, career, choosing a major – none are one-size-fits-all. Navigating your career path is not as linear and step-by-step as taking classes and ending up in a ‘dream job’. In today’s world there are many opportunities to customize our studies, area of expertise, work environment and direction. Let’s be sure our teens understand this process takes time and it’s normal for it to feel challenging and confusing.
“Careers are built one conversation at a time.” – Dr. Caitlin Williams
Yes, we live in a digital, AI assisted, technology-oriented world. However, opportunities, internships, jobs, ideas and career paths present themselves because of connections, conversations and discussions…with friends, family, acquaintances, professionals, professors and teachers. This is a key component to finding your career path – talking to other humans.
Best Practices When Talking To Your Teenager About Their Future:
Choose the right time and place: Pick a time when both you and your teenager are relaxed and not preoccupied with other responsibilities or distractions. Choose a quiet and comfortable setting where you can have a private conversation without interruptions.
Start with open-ended questions: Begin the conversation by asking an open-ended question that encourages your teenager to share. For example, you could ask, “Have you thought about what you might like to study in college?” or “Have any careers looked interesting to you?” …or “What are your top interests?”
Listen actively: When your teenager responds, listen without interrupting or judging. Show genuine interest, and ask follow-up questions to delve deeper into their curiosities and aspirations.
Focus your responses on validating their ideas and feelings: The goal is to create space for them to share out loud or brainstorm with you. Refrain from imposing your own ideas or expectations. Avoid phrases like “You should…”
Acknowledge their concerns and fears: Thinking about the future can be scary and even stressful for teenagers. Acknowledge their concerns and fears without dismissing them. Offer reassurance and remind them that it’s okay to feel uncertain or anxious about the future. *Also, encouraging your teen to follow their heart (Read my prior blog on how to follow your heart!) often calms those deep fears.
In the end, your teen’s future is important and deserves deep consideration. With that being said, by shifting the way your teen thinks about the process of planning for their future – thinking of it as an unfolding/evolving process that can change and pivot along the way, as opposed to a Pass or Fail decision that must be made and adhered to for a lifetime -you help minimize the stresses and pressures teens so often associate with their future and all the decisions that go along with crafting it. ❤️
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