As parents and adults with years of lived experience under our belt, when we “follow our heart” we often end up in a better place than listening to the ‘shoulds’ in our head or the outside opinions of others. There is something to be said about tuning out all of those ‘shoulds’ and being guided authentically by what we truly, deeply want.
For our teenagers, the “shoulds” are louder now than they’ve ever been in previous generations – consider all the social media suggestions, comparisons and self proclaimed experts touting the ‘right’ way to do just about everything. The ability for your teen’s generation to quiet the loud outside noise and tune into what they truly want and need is much more difficult to access now.
This week’s blog was inspired by a quote I came across, buried amidst my grad. school counseling materials. It is a quote by the famous Psychiatrist/Psychoanalyst and founder of Analytical Psychology, Carl Jung:
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look inside your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” ~ Carl Jung
He was onto something in the early 1900’s that greatly pertains to our teenagers today. When we look outside of ourselves and attempt to follow or mimic others, we dream. Tuning into our own heart, uncovering our own internal roadmap to happiness, fulfillment and joy is what leads to a life worth getting up for every morning. Today, your teen is sifting through a lot of noisy advice and that noise deafens them to the sound of their own heart beat.
So, how do we redirect them back to their heart? Back to making decisions that are true to their authentic selves? Here’s how…
How to get your teenager in the practice of following their own heart path:
- Set the stage at home: Offer an encouraging and supportive environment at home where your teen feels free to share ideas and be themselves. This could look like listening more and providing less direction and opinion. As parents we often have ideas, solutions and strategies for our teen. Try playing more of a passive role, allowing your teen to share openly and formulate ideas on their own first, before jumping in to offer your perspective. Asking open-ended questions is a very helpful tool to get your teen thinking more actively.
- Kick it back to them: Any opportunity you have- kick a question they pose to you, back to your teenager. Give them the first stab at coming up with an answer, direction. This flexes their muscle of tuning into themselves to solve problems and practice inquiring from within before soliciting possible answers. You are giving them an opportunity to take a stance, form an opinion or think it through before getting clouded by the noisy advice of others. *Once they’ve established their baseline stab at it, of course open it up to professionals, elders or peer advice if that feels right for your teenager.
- Encourage quiet time: Remember the days of old when we had a designated nap time in Kindergarten? Your teen is far from their kinder years, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need the down time now more than ever. Suggest a meditation or mindfulness practice. Other suggestions from you could include: pleasure reading, time outside on a walk, listening to music or a creative activity for pleasure.
- Model following your own heart: Allow your teen to see you living authentically and following your heart. Share your hobbies and interests as you model for your teen how important it is for us as individuals to nurture our personal curiosities. When appropriate, share with them contemplations you have that demonstrate you choosing to follow your heart versus following the ‘status quo’ of others.
In the end, there is no “wrong” way to live, career path to follow, college to attend or direction to go. The only “wrong” way is the way that is not in alignment for your teenager. Our teens need to be made aware of this. With Life Coaching, the intention is to support your teen to uncover the pathway that is in alignment with who they are, what they stand for and what direction they want to go. Figuring out these pieces can be quite a journey in itself, but once they have learned how to tune in and follow their heart, the remainder of the journey becomes quite an adventure…because they now have a fully calibrated compass. ❤️
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