Support for your teenager isn’t one size fits all and it shouldn’t be. We now have a variety of supports and modalities that have proven to provide relief, clarity and support to adolescents. As a Counselor and Life Coach for teenagers, I get this questions often: “What’s the difference between Life Coaching and Therapy and how do I know which is best for my child?” Understanding the differences can be confusing, so I will break it down into bite-size chunks!
Before we dive in, if getting your teen to open up and talk to you is a struggle, grab my free downloadable mini-guide: 3 Things Your Teenager Wants You To Know, So They Can Open Up To You Inside I share simple communication tweaks you can make to promote openness and get the communication flowing with your teenager!
LIFE COACHING
Life coaching supports teens who are “functioning” and putting one foot in front of the other, BUT that light inside is not shining as bright as it used to. The joyful, easy going, ‘pep-in-their-step’ is missing. They seem bogged down – as if they are carrying around a gray cloud or heavy burden.
This can look like: the teen who is attending school, going through the motions and performing in the classroom or on the field, but they’ve lost that glimmer in their personality. They may seem overwhelmed with classwork, commitments, struggling to keep their head above water; yet they keep moving ahead. There is a misalignment of sorts or a stuck point that is blocking their full expression of contentment and happiness. Life Coaching supports your teenager in uncovering where the misalignment is in their life, identifying what they truly want and pursuing their goals in such a way that is aligned with who they are inside. There is a lot of self discovery, emotions work, mindset work and future planning that happens with Life Coaching.
THERAPY
Therapy, on the other hand, supports teens who are NOT functioning in one or more areas of their life. The goal with therapy is to help your teen get from a place of non-functional to functional again.
When you think of a struggling teen in need of therapy services, it can look like: not attending school or missing a lot of school days or classes, unable to perform or function in the classroom or outside of the classroom. Emotional upset and personal struggles persist. The struggles may be rooted in something that happened in the past they have not recovered from or an old hurt resurfaced and is causing disruption. This may include a traumatic event or emotional wound. Therapy follows the medical model ~ something is broken and therapy will support the repair of this problem. Once therapy is complete, Life Coaching can be a great next step.
HOW YOU CAN TELL IF YOUR TEEN IS ‘OKAY’ OR IN NEED OF PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT
When something seems ‘off’ with your teenager, the ideal way to begin to understand what’s going on below the surface is to talk to them about it. Verbal communication is ideal. However, if your teenager holds their feelings ‘close to the vest’, start with my free downloadable mini guide to help you facilitate more opportunities for open communication with your teenager. 3 Things Your Teenager Wants You To Know, So They Can Open Up To You
When having a conversation with your teenager is NOT AN OPTION, simply observing your teen’s behavior to make an initial assessment as to whether or not professional supports via Life Coaching or Therapy may be in order. Here is what you should be noticing…
To help you evaluate whether or not your teen is ‘okay’ (without having a conversation with them) Dr. Lisa Damour, author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, developed a series of 3 questions you can ask YOURSELF to help gauge whether or not their behavior merits deeper discovery. With that being said, I ALWAYS err on the side of caution and advise parents to reach out to a therapist, counselor or life coaching professional for a brief consultation.
DR DAMOUR’S 3 QUESTIONS:
Does your teen’s feelings make sense in light of the circumstances? Emotions run a bit higher during adolescence – which includes the middles school, high school and college years. An upset within a friendship circle, teen heartbreak, friends moving away and other social mis-steps and mis-haps all merit tears, frustration and big emotions. Family shifts and changes such as a physical move to another location/school district or school will absolutely stir emotions for a longer period of time. Changes in family dynamics, separation and divorce, loss of a family member all trigger emotions and deeper internal contemplations for your teenager. These bigger lifestyle changes would surely merit teen upset as well as a consultation with a professional during these transition periods.
Has your teen found adaptive ways to manage their emotions? When social, emotional and personal drama ensues, how does your teen manage their emotions? Are they taking alone time in their room, getting on the phone to discuss with friends, taking the energy out the to field when they play sports?These are considered adaptive behaviors. Or, are you noticing more isolating behaviors that they can’t come out from under? Are they ruminating and overanalyzing to the extent that they can’t focus on school work or other activities? These behaviors indicate the need for outside support.
Do they rely on a range of defenses to support themselves? What supports does your teen naturally implement to help navigate the highs and lows of their life? Defenses or supports include: a healthy friend group, athletics/outside activities to balance life perspective, bigger goals/direction to keep them moving forward and personality traits such as a lightness of heart or comic relief. All count as defenses that keep them from getting buried by life’s upsets and unfortunate circumstances.
If you answered YES to all 3 above, odds are your teenager is navigating the ups and downs in a healthy way. It is impossible to avoid the unfortunate circumstances that come our way. Navigating in a healthy way where their emotions and mindset are supported, makes for a smoother transition from the teenager years into adulthood.
THE BENEFITS OF LIFE COACHING
If Life Coaching is what’s ideal for your teenager, you will find the benefits to their esteem, self compassion and self identity are plentiful! Life Coaching helps teenagers create balance and peace from within. It helps combat the “should-ing”, stress and anxiety-inducing behaviors and thoughts. Nothing is broken or in need of ‘fixing’ ~ life coaching guides from a place of wholeness. Together, your teenager and their coach uncover what your teen is truly after. Through the life coaching process there’s an evaluation of what’s getting in the way of your teen so they can find their balance, personal success and fulfillment. Learning healthy coping strategies and mindset tools to manage the anxiety inducing/noisy world we live in is also part of the life coaching outcome. The Life Coaching strategies learned and development of a healthy sense of self within your teen will never expire. The big shifts and transformations that occur within your teenager last into adulthood. The beauty of Life Coaching lies is the ripple effect that continues to support your teen throughout their lifespan.
Whew! I shared quite a bit of information with you in this blog! However, you may still have questions especially if Life Coaching is a new concept for you. Please feel free to connect with me. I am available for a complimentary 30 minute Discovery Call. Click HERE to schedule your complimentary Discovery Call. I’d love to provide you with additional clarity!
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