It’s actually remarkable to watch…when you give a teenager the time and space to talk something through and just simply listen, their wheels turn and what they come up with amazes me! I see this often in coaching sessions when talking through a sticky situation or stuck in indecision. Giving them the space to share it out, think through a few scenarios or simply settle into the unknown is priceless for their personal growth and self identity.
What I’m seeing from the vantage point of a coach
As a life coach for teenagers, one very important piece of what I do in a coaching session is listen. As a parent, communication doesn’t quite flow this way all of the time. In the hustle and bustle of modern day life, moments of pause and dedicated sharing and listening can be hard to come by. But when they do, seize these moments!
These moments deepen the bond between you both, grow trust and keep your teen coming back to share more. But what’s more is that this sacred sharing and listening space is developing a deeper sense of their self identity within your teen. And this is oh so important!
Here’s what’s really happening and why it’s time well spent
They release the stress, burdens, concerns or confusions around what’s on their mind. Simply having the opportunity to share it and ‘get it out of their system’ is healthy. Remember, when something is on our mind or heart the goal is to feel it, make meaning of it and then release it. The release can come in many forms – crying and talking/venting included.
They build confidence within themselves to navigate what life sends their way. This is exactly what we want! Each time they talk through a situation and come to a resolution they are racking up successful problem solving to setbacks. This builds internal capacity to navigate setbacks and struggles. Your teen in turn develops a higher tolerance to disappointments, confusion and the like.
They tap into their unique blueprint and learn to rely on themselves and their preferred problem solving strategies, as opposed to constantly deferring to others for direction and solutions. Each of us has a unique blueprint inside that maps out what’s “best” for us, individually. When your teen is given the opportunity to talk through an issue, solve a problem and be heard they deepen their ability to turn to themselves for answers and direction. We want this as they are growing and transitioning into adults! Of course there is always a time and place for expert opinions, professional guidance and parent wisdom.
They learn to craft a narrative or story around what they are going through. As humans we communicate in story – especially if we are a teen with things to say or a dilemma to solve. How that story is crafted reflects the lens they are viewing the experience through. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for how that story is framed up. Are they being hard on themselves? Does the tone of stories shared indicate a deeper struggle within? The information you gather as a listener may indicate the need to reach out to a professional therapist, counselor or coach for a consultation.
In the end, your act of listening provides your teen with an abundance of personal growth behind the scenes. Understanding how valuable this opportunity is will hopefully encourage you to seize those moments when they want to bend your ear. Most often, these moments are fleeting or brief. However, they are equally as valuable as those long, deep conversations. *Words of wisdom to keep in mind as you listen to your teen: validating their feelings as they share is very important. Refraining from giving advice on what to do or how to do it before they’ve had the first opportunity to ‘take a stab at it’ is best.
You might be thinking: “Well…What if my teen isn’t opening up to me?” I’ve got you covered!
Get my free Mini Guide: The 3 Things Your Teenager Wants You To Know, So They Can Open Up To You.
This quick read will set the stage for more open communication with your teen! And I share the step by step of ‘how to’ listen to your teen to create a space of sharing they want to revisit.
_________________________________________
