Behind feelings of stress, overwhelm and ‘not-enoughness’ there is often a mean teen – this is your teenager’s critical inner voice. And from this voice come critical words and harsh judgements. This is the voice of Self Criticism.
What exactly is Self Criticism? Self criticism is that voice inside that speaks to you critically. It is the opposite of your supportive cheerleader. This voice can hold your teen back from progressing, deplete motivation, hinder progress, keep them from taking healthy risks like exploring new growth opportunities and simply makes them feel unhappy and unworthy. This inner voice is sneaky and all too often our teens are not aware of how this voice operates or how to squash it.
Where does this voice originate from? It definitely comes from outside of your teen and often comes from societal pressures stemming from the school culture/environment, community, online platforms and social media. So how do we begin to quiet this inner critic that resides in all of us?
Here’s how to help your teen quiet the Internal Critic…
- Bring awareness to the concept of the inner voice. First things first: by sharing this concept of the inner critic with your teenager, the awareness of it begins the separation process from the critical voice and their sense of self. It pulls the ‘voice’ outside of them and makes it an external piece versus an internal part of who they are.
- Process praise. Rachel Simmons, author of Enough as She Is, explains the concept of process praise beautifully as praising, complimenting and reinforcing the effort your teen is making along the way (the process) as they are becoming or achieving what they are working toward. You are supporting them for the effort they are putting into or toward their achievement. Regardless of whether they ‘win’, lose, succeed or fail at it – you are enforcing the effort, time and commitment they are investing, not just the outcome. This concept is referred to as promoting a Growth Mindset.
- Get through it and come out the other side. Efforting to navigate through an obstacle as opposed to abandoning or side stepping builds resilience and confidence. Encourage your teen to see it through or strategize ways to get through it when faced with a challenge.
- Implement a mindfulness or meditation practice.
- Keep a journal of weekly ‘wins’. Encourage your teen to keep a journal or video blog of wins – big and small. Inquire and discuss weekly wins with them.
At the end of the day, what’s most important is bringing to our teen’s awareness how the outside ‘noise’ and pressures creep up, and often present as their internal thoughts and voice. And share that they don’t need to accept the sound of that critical voice as part of who they are. That inner voice inside is not just there to spew criticism, but can actually be shifted to a softer, more loving voice of support and compassion.
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